Who knew that Rochdale would ever become a political buzzword in the United Kingdom? As far as by-elections go, Rochdale's has got to be one of the most chaotic in British history.
It all started when Labour decided to field an antisemitic candidate who believes Israel deliberately allowed violence from Hamas to get a green light to invade Gaza. Azhar Ali was subsequently disowned from the Labour Party – except he wasn’t. It took Keir Starmer far too long to act, so electoral rules mean Ali will still be Labour’s candidate in Rochdale.
There are ten other candidates running in Rochdale, giving the busy by-election a Piccadilly Circus feel. You’d expect that the other ten must be squeaky clean. Unfortunately, however, the ‘Circus’ part of Rochdale’s new-found name has spread like a deadly disease.
The extent of the list casualties in this group of ‘my dog ate my homework’ candidates is almost comical. The Green candidate criticised Palestinians and Islam on Twitter – so has no party backing. The ‘local’ Conservative candidate has allegedly been on holiday instead of rallying support. Labour’s antisemitic candidate has been dropped like a hot potato. And the rest are just Mr Nobody independents – a label which may as well be applied to the pointless Lib Dem candidate.
This mess leaves us with just one winner in Rochdale. And, God help us, it’s George Galloway.
George Galloway possesses a characteristic that people like: he’s an activist. Some Rochdale residents have stated they will vote for Galloway because he seems like he will get things done. It’s easy to see why this appeals to people, when all other politicians seem to do is argue.
The trouble is, George Galloway’s track record as an activist isn’t exactly palatable. After Tottenham Hotspur – a football club with traditionally strong Jewish support – lost to Liverpool in the 2019 UEFA Champions League Final, Galloway remarked that there would be “no Israel flags on the cup”. And he claimed Tottenham fans flying Israel flags in the crowd demonstrated “affiliation to a racist state”. This debacle got him sacked from TalkRadio. Worst of all, in 2002 the Labour “MP for Baghdad Central” met up with none other than Saddam Hussein. Galloway said to the Iraqi dictator: “Sir, we salute your courage, your strength and your indefatigability.” The man literally bowed down to one of the most infamous tyrants of the 21st century. He has no place in the Westminster I know, that’s for certain.
George Galloway is one of those individuals who makes everything political. The man could politicise buttering your bread, or even breathing. What’s more, his political views more often than not cross the line in the sand. Every time words come out of his mouth, it cringes the hell out of the diplomat inside you.
And let’s not forget one more crucial fact. George Galloway is a communist spy in disguise. He currently leads the Workers Party of Britain, which was founded after Jeremy Corbyn resigned from the Labour Party. This tells you all you need to know about Galloway’s political leaning – that is, Karl Marx’s great grandson.
Here are some policies from the Workers Party’s ten-point programme. End imperial wars and financial domination, starting with withdrawal from NATO. Rebuild British industry. Free healthcare with no waiting lists, and easy access to cheap nutritious food. Open access to culture and the media. Public laundries – clearly Galloway has contacts at Vanish or Daz.
These are just ridiculous proposals. Withdrawing from NATO to end imperial wars is like not eating vegetables to lose weight. NATO is there precisely to form alliances and stop wars. And, anyway, until he’s torn Ukraine in half, Mr Putin won’t give a monkey’s testicle what little old Britain is doing.
Rebuilding British industry is something everyone can get behind – until they see the terms and conditions in size 0.5 font at the bottom. Because although it would be great would it be to see ‘Made in Britain’ on everything again, it wouldn’t be so great to cough up £10 for a biro handcrafted in Stevenage. You can’t make everything in Britain in the 21st-century without charging customers their limbs instead of pound sterling.
Free healthcare is a strange one – we’ve had the NHS since 1948 pal, wake up. Easy access to cheap nutritious food yet again proves that George Galloway is living in a fairytale. He’s right – our food chain is a problem. But you can’t just shut yourself off from everything that’s processed, otherwise you’ll starve. Eating nutritious food requires an allotment, scrapping your fridge and its preserved contents, and baking bread from scratch. And, quite simply, nobody has time to do all that while working a 9-5 job – which is exactly what members of the Workers Party are surely doing.
Open access to culture and the media. Really? If you have a phone – which 98% of Britons do – then you’ll know that accessing culture and the media has never been easier. With one press of a button, you can send a tweet out to the entire world. And, if you’re George Galloway, that tweet will probably be something antisemitic – or anti-Tottenham Hotspur.
And finally, don’t even get me started on public laundries. The rest of us moved out of the dark ages long ago, but clearly George Galloway still wishes it was 1848 when Karl Marx published The Communist Manifesto.
As you can hopefully see from this tirade, there are endless reasons why, if you’re in Rochdale, you shouldn’t vote for George Galloway. He has a history of antisemitism, a history of causing trouble, and envisages a future that, quite frankly, offers no hope at all. The Workers Party of Britain is trying to take us back to 1900s Britain – when horses pulled ploughs on British farms and everyone lived off stale bread and unpasteurised milk.
And this Rochdale circus has been caused by Labour and Keir Starmer, who failed to select a decent human being as their candidate in a near-guaranteed red seat. And as a consequence of Labour’s incompetence, we will now end up with George Galloway making a song and dance about public laundries in Westminster.
This brings us to a startlingly sad conclusion. George Galloway looks set to win in the Rochdale by-election – a man with an incredibly controversial political history and old-fashioned view of the future. If the Rochdale by-election is classed as a circus, we’re going to end up with the wrong ringleader. Image: Vince Millett
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